the art of imperfection… destination excellence!
By · Comments- Are you a perfectionist?
- Do you know when your expectations are unrealistic and damaging to your success?
- Are your relationships suffering from the burden of perfection?
- Do you feel plagued by a sense of frustration and/or failure?
The perfectionist pattern is the hidden enemy of true success and happiness. Often people don’t realise the pattern is alive and well in their lives and so it chips away at our peace of mind, self esteem and relationships. A focus on ‘getting it right’ become a recipe for getting it wrong when it damages your wellbeing, self worth, relationships and/or business success.
As a practitioner I have seen many examples of the ‘fallout’ of perfectionism including:
- Distorted perceptions of what is acceptable performance
- Low self esteem, poor body image and eating disorders
- Martyrdom and self denial
- Being ‘externally referenced’ – looking constantly for external validation through achievements, status or approval, depression and anxiety
- Chronic stress, depression and anxiety
- Extreme intolerance of errors – devastation/defensiveness when perceived as getting it wrong
- Time poor and a refusal to delegate
- Lack of enjoyment or appreciation of ‘wins’ – over focus on what didn’t get achieved
- Chronic fatigue, migraines, insomnia
- Inability to operate in the present moment and plagued by ‘what if’ scenarios
- ‘All or nothing’ approach to life
- Lack of commercial success or it coming at a great cost
- Unhappy personal and professional relationships because of of harsh criticism, and/or a need to be in control.
Does any of this sound familiar?
Interestingly perfectionism is one of the most toxic and entrenched patterns facing people today. One of the reasons it is so difficult for us to alter, is because we usually look outside of ourselves for the solution. Because we cannot control the world and those in it, we ultimately set ourselves up for disappointment, frustration and feelings of failure. What’s important to remember is that, with professional help, perfectionism is a pattern of behaviours, perceptions and choices that can be changed!
The challenge is to come back to our Selves, heal the root causes of the pattern and recover trust in ourselves and in the world. Perfectionists have usually been hurt, or deeply disappointed, by life on some level. The key is to find our own self-defined path of excellence, as opposed to perfection.
To put it bluntly it also requires us to stop worrying about what others are not getting right and to focus on cleaning up our own ‘backyard’! When in ‘perfectionist mode’ we are great at making others responsible for our unhappiness and in doing so often overlook our own very significant contribution to the problem or issue at hand. ‘Who me?’ we say incredulously.
Phil’s* perfectionist tendencies were resulting in a ‘grass is greener’ attitude which was promoting constant dissatisfaction with his marriage and work. Addressing what was ultimately dissatisfaction with himself led him to realise he is exactly where he is meant to be and now happier than he’s ever been.
Kim’s* perfectionism was creating a martyrdom pattern that had alienated her from her children and husband as she sought constant approval and appreciation for ‘all she was doing for them’. Honouring her true needs, particularly her creative interests, and addressing the need for constant external approval, liberated her self and her family.
Nicola* suffered depression and literally burnt out her immune system striving for perfection. Her impossible ideals and unrealistic expectations of her self and others was creating levels of internal stress and disharmony that were taking her further away from her goals not closer. Discovering self-acceptance, resolving some old hurts, and recognising her ideals were there only to inspire and guide, gave Nicola the life she yearned for.
Having witnessed, over the past 21 years how inner change has resulted in positive changes occurring in all aspects of clients’ lives, I am convinced self development is the key to fulfilling success. Being happier and more compassionate with your Self leads you to be more so with others. If you suspect your life is being harmed by perfectionism, consider skilled professional assistance – it can make all the difference.
Embracing imperfection is the path to greater awareness, wisdom, compassion and ultimately happiness. And it provides the foundation for a life of excellence in our choices, actions and results. As Artists Robert Bissett and Nikki Giovanni say ‘A painting is a series of mistakes and it is the response to the error that counts.’
* client names have been changed to protect privacy
Subconscious Wellbeing = Success!
By · CommentsHow could subconscious wellbeing contribute to business success? Actually it has lots to do with how well business leaders and their teams drive the company. Our driving skills are largely determined by the state and wellness of our subconscious. Lets explore this fascinating aspect of ourselves further.
The subconscious has in the past gotten a bit of a bad rap. Dr Sigmund Freud saw the subconscious as a repressed and rather treacherous part of our mind that held all the experiences, emotions and thoughts that we didn’t want to consciously acknowledge or deal with.
Dr Carl Jung liberated us with the concept of the “collective unconscious”, believing that, as human beings, we all share a collective pool of wisdom and learnings on an unconscious level that we can utilise for life success.
Milton H. Erickson, world-renowned psychiatrist and clinical hypnotherapist, has commented that our subconscious is an internal warehouse of resources – a powerhouse - that most people only explore with a pen light torch!
Ultimately our subconscious mind filters our external experiences and creates our internal map of reality and possibilities. Unconsciously we house our values, beliefs, attitudes, emotions and memories, known as filters, and these all influence the reality we create for ourselves.
Our subconscious is like a sponge soaking up life: the good, the bad and the eventful. At any given moment our sub conscious mind receives up to 2,000,000 bits of information. Yet we can only consciously process approximately 130 bits of information!
We say in the world of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) that it isn’t so much what happens to you but how you assess and “frame” what has happened that counts. Instead of reinforcing a self-fulfilling prophecy and a negative reality, a quality assessment causes us to ‘frame’ the experience positively, by gleaning the learnings available and getting excited about overcoming the perceived obstacle. At every critical moment in business, relationships and life we have a choice as to which path we take: one that holds us back or one that takes us higher. The wellness of our subconscious will be the determining factor.
The quality and clarity of our subconscious filters determine how effective we are at positively framing life thereby resonating at a level that enables us to create and attract success.
A successful learning cycle…
unconscious incompetence (everyone knows you have the problem except you!)
conscious incompetence (the ‘ouch’ moment)
conscious competence (patience and trust as you align with the new pattern or belief)
unconscious competence (so what was that problem?)
The subconscious is intrinsically linked to learning, and learning is essential for success and growth. To progress we must identify and implement positive learnings from our business ‘mistakes’ or challenges.
The quality and clarity of our subconscious filters determine our effectiveness at positively framing life, thereby enabling us to attract and maintain success.
We know an un-serviced car will become increasingly unreliable and unenjoyable to drive. We recognise a car’s filters need regular clearing and changing. It’s the same with our subconscious filters. It is unreasonable to expect that life won’t clog up our filters over time. We all gather baggage. A successful person knows how to off load it easily, quickly and permanently. It is in our interests to take a pit stop and give ourselves an “mental and emotional service”, especially prior to planned business growth or change. There are many dynamic and evolutionary strategies and healing tools available. The beauty of the subconscious is that when you find the right “entry point” and process, it re-aligns and heals very quickly.
Subconscious wellbeing closes the gap between where we are and where we want to be in our business life. At the base of our brain we have a “reticular activating system” (RAS), that determines what we zoom in on consciously and what gets stored in our subconscious.
Writing down goals activates the RAS and alerts our brain to look out for opportunities or information, that will enable us to transform what we want, into a reality. That’s a big reason why goal setting is so critical for progress and results.
Subconscious wellbeing ensures our goals are meaningful and successfully aligned with our conscious intentions, thereby creating the results we desire in the business world. Subconscious dreams become successful conscious business realities!
